I recently attended a wedding and it’s pretty wild in my opinion how traditional weddings remain to this day. Many of the formalities could be considered obsolete and some things probably shouldn’t exist anymore. (Why does the garter belt tradition still exist?)
1.
“All the old men making comments about all the sex the couple is about to have.”
3.
“The father-daughter dance. I know people love it and sometimes it’s sweet, but when the song says ‘You were my girl and now you’re his,’ it’s so terrifying. I have to walk away.”
Four.
“I recently went to a wedding where the bride and groom had signs and decorations that said ‘It was always you’ all over the place. When the bride and groom met, the bride was one of three women the groom was dating. They spent a decade cheating on her. all their partners to be together before they finally got together. But I guess it was all right because ‘it was always you’. What a strange thing to highlight with your decorations at your wedding.”
6.
“When another person proposes to their partner. Why take all the attention away from boyfriends and put it on yourself? It’s so selfish.”
8.
“Those women who try too hard to catch the bride’s tossing bouquet. Some literally push others around. I cringe just looking at them.”
9.
“Times where one new spouse humiliates the other. I’m in the industry and I’ve seen examples. One time the bride decided to prank the groom during the garter launch. They blindfolded him and took out a groomsman with a wedding dress, who had also shaved her legs for the occasion and made the groom go after the garter as usual, retrieves the garter that, yes, reached up to her thigh, with her teeth, gets up and he removes the blindfold off, only to find 200 people laughing at him. livid for the rest of the night. Don’t humiliate your spouse on the day you’re supposed to celebrate how much you love each other.”
—me
10
“Any wedding in which the bridesmaids and groomsmen have been directed to perform a choreographed dance at any time during the festivities, either dancing down the aisle or a full dance number during the reception.”
13
“That part where a priest or an officiant asks if anyone knows a reason those two aren’t getting married and everyone pretends they didn’t hear the question.”
14
“When the bride walks down the aisle and everyone takes pictures on their cell phones. That couple will always have everyone looking through their phones at the professional photographer’s pictures costing thousands. A special iconic moment marred with faces on the screens. But everyone wants a low-quality image from a bad angle right away, rather than have the foresight to ask the partner at a later date for a professional copy. It’s selfish and ignorant.”
fifteen.
“When there are several unruly children running and/or screaming spoiling the first dance or any special moment for the couple.”
17
“When people write their own vows but don’t really promise anything. They just ramble for a few minutes about how much they love each other and how perfect they are. The point of wedding vows is to make compromises.”
twenty
“The first dance. I don’t think I can stand here dancing with everyone looking at me.”
22
“Bridal hair and makeup. Often too over the top and unnecessary. Just keep it simple. You don’t have to look like you’re competing in some kind of hairstyling competition.”
23
“When they announce everyone in the wedding party as they walk into the hotel banquet hall like it’s a boxing match in Vegas. Oh, you’re the eighth best man. Great, great.”
Is there anything that makes you cringe at weddings? Spill the tea in the comments below!